21 Aug 2017

Top Ten Meals In Game Of Thrones That You Would Want For Dinner

If there are three things we can all agree of, that is that the television series Game of Thrones is good in three things: blood, food, and sex. We can might as well forget the politics of it all, while we’re watching what could be the best war scene on television. Forget that Joffrey is dead because his parents are already moving on while fucking near his cold corpse.

Top Ten Meals In Game Of Thrones

And, of course, the food. The food, glorious food. Join us in this salivating journey as we list down the top ten meals in Game of Thrones you would die and attend the bloody red wedding for just to grab a bite.

10. Tyrion’s Return To Winterfell

Here’s a fact. Tyrion knows how to live, and we can all learn from him as bros. Respect, man. Girls and gold, wit and taste. Taste not only in food, but in fashion as well. He’s an imp, for pete’s sake, but he still looks as dashing as ever! He probably looks more dashing than you. So, let’s start this list with him, with the food they served him when he returned to Winterfell from the Wall. Robb already hates the guy but this is what he throws at him: Suckling pig, pigeon pie, and turnips soaking in butter and honeycombs. Imagine what he’ll serve him if he actually likes the imp?

9. Catelyn’s Breakfast In Bed

Let’s backtrack a little because we all know what happened before. Bran fell off from a tower and spends weeks in bed with her mother beside him. Worried and starving herself. The woman is crazy strong to resist this kind of temptation: hot bread, butter, honey, blackberry preserves, bacon, and soft-boiled eggs. You are a tough woman. Now hand me over those bacons quick. If you won’t eat them, I will!

8. One Of Visaerys’ Last Meals In Vaes Dothrak

Let’s head overseas and see how Visaerys is still faring in the hands of the Dothraki. Goat roasted with sweetgrass and firepods (I assume this is a type of chili), basted with honey; Melons, pomegranates, plums, and other exotic fruits. Yep. Still doing fine…for now.

7. The Stark’s Dinner In King Landing

Meanwhile, Ned and his girls Sansa and Arya are enjoying a dinner in King’s Landing. A very hearty dinner of thick and sweet pumpkin soup and platters of glorious ribs roasted in crusts of garlic and herbs. Makes you want to rethink your life and your pizza dinners, eh?  

6. Tyrion’s “Dismissal Dinner” For Janos Slynt

Like I said, this guy knows how to eat. And even while he’s firing a guy, Tyrion still knows how to prepare a nice dinner. Delicious and hearty oxtail soup; a salad of fresh greens with pecans, grapes, red fennel, and cheese;  hot crab pie still hot from the oven; spiced squash; and the main star, quails swimming in sinful butter. Of course, needless to say, there are lots and lots of wine.

5. Welcome Feast For King Robert

Let’s start the top five of this list with a grand feast, specifically the welcome feast for King Robert Baratheon when he visited Winterfell. Or you can also treat it as the Stark family’s last family dinner. Too bad. At least what they shared last is a grand one made of honeyed roasted chicken, roasted onions dripping in sinful brown gravy, bread trenchers, and let’s not forget lots and lots and lots of wine for King Robert.

4. Oath Day Feast At The Wall

Here’s another grand celebration. It’s Jon and Sam’s graduation, oh my gosh you guys, I’m so freaking proud of you! And here is the grand feast that can make you say, “Aye, Lord Commander!”: A rack of lamb baked in a crust of garlic and herbs, with a garnish of mint sprigs; mashed yellow turnips swimming in glorious butter that can make your mashed potatoes look sad; salads of spinach, chickpeas, and turnip greens; and for dessert? Iced blueberries and sweet cream. Hail the descendant of blueberry ice cream!

3. The Little Lordling’s State Dinner

I’m proud of our little lord because his state dinner makes it to top three. So how good was it? It’s probably more realistic and delicious than the dream dinner you can manage to imagine when you were nine. Mine was a tub of Cheetos, towers of Pringles, fried chicken, and tubs of chocolate ice cream for dessert. For Bran? Joints of aurochs roasted with leeks; venison pies filled with chunks of carrots, mushrooms, and loads of bacon; mutton chops with a sauce made of honey and cloves; savory duck; peppered boar; goose; skewers upon skewers of pigeon and capon; stew of beef and barley; cold fruit soup (I’m guessing this is close to our modern-day fruit salad); seafood brought by Lord Wyman which are twenty casks of whitefish, winkles, crabs, mussels, clams, herring, cod, salmon, lampreys, and lobsters, packed in salt and seaweed; wheels of white cheese for every table;  fresh turnips, peas, beets, beans, squash, and red onions (these are mostly for the Frey wardens whom he don’t like. He’still not as mature as Robb to give a nice and delicious meal for people he dislikes, he’s just nine, after all) ; and for dessert, pastries like black bread, honeycakes, oat biscuits, berry tarts, baked apples, and poached pears. For drinks, special mulled wine for our little lord, of course, and chilled autumn ale for everyone else.

2. Danaerys and Khal Drogo’s Wedding Feast

Dany’s first few weeks with the khalasar was pretty disgusting in terms of food. We see her literally devour a raw horse’s heart, after all. But that doesn’t mean the Dothraki don’t know how to par-tay! Here’s what we’re talking about: Horseflesh roasted with honey and peppers, Fermented mare’s milk, steaming joints of meat and thick black sausages (Yes Drogo, I’m looking at you!), Dothraki blood pies, and of course, good old Illyrio’s fine wine.

1. The Feast For The Hand’s Tournament

And for number one, here’s an even grander feast. Sorry Drogo, but it really is. Aurochs, (too bad they got extinct before we got to taste them – wait, that sounded wrong…they probably got extinct because they were too delicious to start with!), big ones that roasted for hours while basted with butter and herbs “until the meat crackled and spit”, tables of sweetgrass, strawberries, and freshly-baked bread still hot from the oven; really thick soup of barley and venison; more sweetgrass in salads of spinach, plums, and crushed nuts; snails in honey and garlic; and the pastries, oh man, sweetbreads, pigeon pies, baked apples with cinammon, and piles of lemon cakes frosted with powdered sugar (we all know who that’s for!).

I can write a convincing end note for this article, but I know you guys are as starving as I am, so let me cut this short. Tonight, we feast!