5 Jan 2011

Top 9 Sucker Punches in the history of internet

Sucker Punch

A special article written by our friend Andreas from SurvivingU. We all enjoy seeing a good fight, that’s why the UFC has become the fastest growing sport of our generation. We also enjoy seeing two completely mismatched foes pitted against one another at a bar, in someone’s backyard, or in a classroom. However more than that, what truly makes us sit up and look on in awe at the computer screen is when someone, out of nowhere, get’s ktfo’d at McDonalds or on the court of an NBA game for no apparent reason.

Here are the top 9 sucker punches that`ll make you feel bipolar by the time you view them all:

9. Guy let’s a tiny little girl hit him

This isn’t so much a sucker punch as it is a lesson to all the bros out there who get their courage from a bottle and from walking around shirtless.

Element of Surprise-1– it doesn’t matter how drunk you are, how big you are, or how weak or small the other person is, never let anyone have a free swinging shot at your chin. You will go down. You will go unconscious, limp, and maybe even piss your pants. Worse, someone will be recording it as it happens, and you will end up on the internet, forever remembered –which is not always a good thing

Effectiveness- 8 – for a little girl that didn’t take that big of a swing she sure did pack a lot of power.  For a dude that big and that shirtless he sure got emasculated. Oh, and also knocked the fuck out.

Lesson Learned – Never let ANYONE touch your pretty little face.

8.  Rudy Tomjanovich getting ko’d by Kermit Washington in a 1977 NBA game

Element of Surprise – 6 – Rudy ran into his fist. Even though he was coming to break up the fight he should have known better not to run directly at a black man that tall wearing shorts that short.

Effectiveness – 10 – It looks like your normal, run of the mill, knockout with a possible concussion or something along those lines. No big deal. Until you read the diagnosis- “The blow shattered the bones of Tomjanovich’s jaw and face and inflicted life-threatening head injuries, leaving him sidelined for five months. Besides having the bone structure of his face detached from his skull and suffering a cerebral concussion and broken jaw and nose, he was leaking blood and spinal fluid into his skull capsule. His skull was fractured in such a way that Tomjanovich could taste the spinal fluid leaking into his mouth.”

Lesson to be learned – when your friends are getting beaten silly by a group of athletic black men, it’s better to stay away.

7.  Laid Out!

Vicious! One guy swipes his hat at his opponent, the other, swipes his loaded fist. Guess who wins?

Element of Surprise – 6 – The victim should have known shit was about to go down. He got taunted by a group of guys like a child and then turned away from the guy he swung at. Amateur.

Effectiveness – 9 – Knocked out cold. Ended up in the hospital. The end.

Lesson Learned – Unless you’re fully confident in your own badassery don’t start shit with a group of rowdy drunk men if you’re all alone. And don’t take your eyes off the guy who you swiped your hat at. And remember even as a KTFO victim you can still end up being charged with disorderly conduct. One last thing, don`t mess with the townies.

Here`s the full clip of the video: http://www.break.com/usercontent/2011/3/23/saint-patricks-day-sucker-punch-2029794

6. I just wanted some McNuggets…

Element of Surprise – 10 – when you’re in your mid 60s and you decide to stop off at the local McDicks after a hockey game the last thing you expect is to get ko’d and then robbed while you’re waiting for your order of McNuggets and Diet Coke. I guess it’s true what they say, fast food is bad for your health.

Effectiveness – 7 – he swung at him as if he was pitching a fast ball. Yet, 13 stitches, a black eye, and sore left side of the head later, the old man was able to joke about it, exclaiming to the news station, “that wasn’t on the menu.”

Lesson Learned – Better use the drive thru after sunset.

5.  Fat kid with baseball bat knocking out dude.

Element of Surprise – 7 – the sucker was standing toe-2-toe with a chubby kid who was holding a baseball bat in a wife beater and carpis jorts. WTF did he think was going to happen?
Effectiveness – 9 – he was sleeping as a soon as the fist touched his face, and making asphalt angles as soon as his head came crashing down to the pavement. I’m surprised the fat kid was nice enough to switch the bat into his non punching hand before laying him out.
Lesson learned – there’s always a silver lining to everything. Sure, he suffered permanent brain damage and his savage knockout has been viewed by millions online, but at least he was able to avoid a bat-beating.

4.  Awakening the sleeping beast

Element of Surprise – 6 – even though the tormentor did assume that he “ain`t gonna do nuttin,“
what else should you expect when you play with someone`s hair and tease them as they`re having a relaxing nap in class.
Effectiveness – 8 – he looked dead. one second he`s tormenting the kid, the next he`s laying motionless on the floor.
Lesson learned – Don`t disturb people`s sleep.

3. It’s hard to see them at night


Element of Surprise – 10!!! – There he was in his wife beater, puffing out his chest, towering over the smaller guy, confident in the ass kicking he was about to dish out, when the black superhero came out of nowhere and laid his ass out.
Effectiveness – 7 – he did the bobble head thing before going down, but he wasn’t knocked out cold. Although he was knocked down stupid.
Lesson learned – be wary of the shirtless black guy lurking around at night.

2 . Why racism and stereotypes exist


I don’t know what the first guy did to deserve his nap time, but if you ask me, the second guy got off easy with all the shit talking that was coming out of his mouth.

Element of Surprise KO1 – 8 – He was walking away. Thought everything was over. And then he was miraculously sleeping in the bushes. KO2 – 10! – Wanksta got brave once the other white boy was down. Wanksta thought the black homies were his friends. Wanksta went sleepy sleep against the car.

Effectiveness – 10 – both guys did a superb job of putting their opponents unconscious. Well done, gentlemen.

Lesson Learned – Contrary to popular belief, the enemy of your enemy is not your friend.

1.  The Best Sucker Punch is a Sucker Kick

Punches flying out of nowhere are one thing, but when a foot connects to an unexpected stranger`s face that`s on a whole other level.

Kick 1- Even when he turns his back to you, you can’t let your guard down.

Kick 2 – I’m about to chill, dawg, I was chillin’, you saw me chillin’…

Kick 3- At least he’s nice enough to help him up afterwards, unlike the guy in Kick 1 video

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