10. Smoking – All those anti-smoking commercials really do the trick for your parents, trust me! Once they find out that you’ve been blowing smoke circles out the bathroom window, cancer will be the least of your worries. The thing about smoking is that it usually comes and it goes but what scares your parents the most is addiction. They will understand the deal with “curiosity and experiencing new things” once or twice but addiction or smoking weed, on the other hand, might make them freak out and start rapping like Busta Rhymes.
09. Tattoos – The problem with tattoos is that once you’ve got one, you can’t really change your mind about it. I know that a tattoo might seem like a great idea when you’re 20, but the fact that you’ve settled on a unicorn for the right side of your lower abs might not seem like such a good idea in 30 years. First of all, the removal process is not as fun as getting the tattoo in the first place and secondly, that unicorn might turn into a retarded giraffe by the time you’re 60. The main thing that scares your parents is what you’re drawing on your skin, where you’re drawing it and who’s drawing it.
08. Your gangster boyfriend – So you’ve finally brought your boyfriend home for your parents to meet and suddenly you notice that “Benny Hill” look upon their faces. Well, they might not be impressed with that “Lil’ Wayne” routine your boyfriend’s got going on and trust me, they’re not really keen on knowing that their beloved daughter could end up on the bang bus, either. The main thing they’re worried about is the influence this guy has on you and what might you learn from him over the time.
07. College parties – Don’t think that your father doesn’t know about those college parties and what happens at them. If you’re his precious princess, don’t be surprised if daddy shows up holding a shotgun, and if you’re a guy, you’d better lock the door to your room so to avoid any unexpected visits from your folks. Trust me, in both cases, nothing will freak them out more than hearing/seeing you scream for pleasure like only a college freshman can.
06. Dirtbikes/ skateboards/ etc. – Extreme sports are basically the reason why your mother is on prescription pills right now. Broken limbs, missing teeth and scraped skin have never before sounded as terrifying as they do when they’re spoken by the doctor. If you’ve been practicing any of these extreme sports, chances are that you’ve already found out how mom reacts to bad news.
05. Changing your religion – Finding peace with Buddha might not be the best thing to tell your parents on Thanksgiving day. In fact, changing your religion might not be a great thing to talk about in any other day of the year. Even though you’re free to do whatever you want with your body and soul, these kind of decisions aren’t usually well regarded by your mom and dad. One of the reasons behind this problem is that they still want you to be part of the family.
04. Alcohol – Getting hammered at someone’s party might not seem like such a big deal to you, but after the hangover is gone you’ll have tons of explaining to do. As a general life rule, whatever makes you sleep with your face in the toilet is the equivalent of a near-death experience to your parents. Alcohol poisoning, head trauma, liver problems and kidney failure is only the tip of the iceberg as your mom prepares her speech on how she should have raised you better.
03. Recruiting – Even though serving your country in combat is something to be more than proud of, your loved ones will be worried sick until you return from active duty. It doesn’t even matter what you’re gonna do overseas in whatever country you’re shipping out to, every time a bomb goes off in the Middle East, your mom will think that you were the one trying to disarm it.
02. Teen pregnancy – Being eligible to appear on a national TV show is not the kind of news your folks are. Teen pregnancy can affect one’s health, education and socioeconomic life, as well as future employment possibilities. Taking orders at McDonald’s might be a good excuse for those trying to make their way through college but doing so in your late twenties with a spoiled brat at home is not really what your mom and dad have in mind for retirement.
01. Dropping out of college. – Who needs college, right? Well, let me tell you that nothing else will freak your parents out more than finding out you’ve dropped out of college. Maybe you did it because of all the weird drunk people who vomited on you a lot or the vast amount of studying you had to go through at the end of each semester, or maybe you just hated the place. Whatever your reasons might be, running home to mom and dad will immediately translate to extended periods of panic for them.