5 Nov 2012

Top 10 good excuses for your boss

Imagine this scenario: After a long night of heavy drinking, you wake up to sunny Monday morning feeling like a train wreck. There’s no chance in Hell that you’ll be any good at whatever you do for a living, so your only hope is that your boss won’t be so up-tight this morning.

Given the fact that you’ve barely made it out alive last night from the club, you should probably start thinking about the miracle of life and a good excuse for work. We’ve also gone through some similar situations and Heaven help us, we’ve never had to say that our folks have died, or that we suddenly developed cancer. This kind of teenage crap doesn’t really fly by and usually get dismissed in a flash.

Here’s a list of top 10 good excuses we’ve tried and, more often than not, got around to accommodate our morning (drinking) sickness:

10. Casual sick day excuses – This one’s the easiest. You don’t even have to put on a good acting show because you’re already intoxicated (with alcohol). Just cough a couple of times and tell your boss you’ve got the flue or a light food poisoning. You can always mention “going to the doctor if things get worse” in order to strenghten your argument. Try to keep it short and simple, don’t come-up with to much information or other awkward symptoms and everything will be fine.

09. Can I work from home today? – This isn’t always such an easy thing to come-by because most of us can’t afford this luxury. For those who can, on the other hand, calling the day off is usually as simple as pie. But, as with all the things that come too easy in life, there’s also a catch … Most of the people who ask to work from home, are treated like they’re still at the office. If this is your case, your phone won’t stop ringing so maybe you should fake a sore throat and communicate by e-mail… That’s after you’ve had your beauty sleep.

08. Car broke down – Don’t even think about saying that your car was stolen! Even worse, don’t say anything about an accident, someone blocking you or that your car was already a wreck. Usually, this excuse works best if you have to travel a few miles every day, in order to get to your workplace. Just say that it suddenly broke down and now you’re waiting for someone to tow you to the nearest repair shop. You’ve already called a friend and require no help what-so-ever! “Thank you!” Also, keep in mind that you should be outside of your house in order for this to work and your Boss might call you back in a couple of hours to check if you’re allright.

07. Someone’s terribly ill – Whoever you choose as a victim for this story, never include yourself, any of your family or close friends. You don’t want to go into any of these stories, believe me. It might help you get this day off, but you’ll have to keep acting like you’re devastated, long after this week is gone. It’s just not worth it, buddy. Instead, try to mention a friend that’s going through some hard times right now. Doesn’t anyone need a helping hand and a sympathetic soul once in a while?

06. Going to the Courtroom – Courtrooms are always busy. In fact, people spend as much as three to six hours in a courtroom before their case gets noticed by the Judge and Jury. If you pick out this scenario, remember not to mention any existant lawsuits. People will ask why haven’t you mentioned anything about this until now and hence, the fun begins. Instead, try to say that you’re in the midst of suing someone and you need the day off in order to talk to your lawyer. That should give your boss something to think about this Monday morning.

05. Going to a funeral - Again, try not to think of a relative, close friend or family. You don’t want to spend the next month receiving condoleances for nothing. Instead, try to say that your next door neighbour was found dead and you were one of the few people he ever talked to. DON’T say anything about being a suspect, though! You don’t want to go there, trust me!

04. Moving/Home emergencies – This Monday is turning out to be one of the worst days of your life. Your neighbour, whoever he might be, left in a hurry and forgot his water running. Now, you’re trying to find the building’s administrator and break into your neighbour’s apartment in order to stop the water from washing the “whole building” away. Your insurance will probably cover everything, but you need the day off to get things done.

03. Education/ School or independent project – Multinationals love educated people. In fact, they love educated people so much that they create different programs in order to help students become better employees. I mean, what else are you gonna do with that college diploma? If you don’t feel like working this Monday, then you’d better call your superior and tell him what a sh*tty exam you’ve got today. You’ll probably do extra time all week, but hey… you’ve got a free Monday.

02. You won a trip or something – You lucky bastard! Whatever you do, don’t say that you’ve won a certain amount of money, because everybody will expect you to buy them things and …stuff. Also, nobody will ever fall for a one-day-vacation in Aspen so you’d better ask for a few more days of leave. Expect a big surprise party at he office when you come back … on your expense.

01. Smart, work related excuses – Usually sales people get to use this one. Notably, sales people that are actually very good at what they do get to use this one. You can even say that you’ve been sleeping with one of the company’s top clients to the Boss. If you mention the sex was awesome, he will start clapping his fat hands like a money-hungry seal, and give you the entire week off… Don’t lie too much though!