16 Oct 2017

The New Oral Sex Guidelines

Let us simply be clear on one thing: these new guidelines are not really new. In fact, these things are supposed to be what you have practiced since you’ve started getting blowjobs. But I’m afraid that porn simply flushed our sex etiquette down the toilet, hence allow me to give you some new guidelines – one coming from a sex guru, and not that random chick currently getting a milk facial.

Oral Sex Guidelines

Here are some of the things that you need to do first:

Talk to her. Here’s a fun fact for those poor guys who have not received blowjobs yet: not every gal is down to give you the business. And they are NOT obligated to do it. You are not a god, and despite what you might have lead yourself to believe – there are bigger ones out there. Hence, if she hasn’t given you  a blowie yet, then it might be for a reason or two, reasons that you might be able to remedy like “I don’t want to do it because penises smell funny, or curlies always get in my teeth”. We can work with that.

Clean up your act. Speaking of which, make sure that you always present your junior clean and smelling fresh. Keep it well-trimmed too. Did you know that baldies always get the most blowies? If you don’t want to go all the way though, then at least keep it short. At a length that wouldn’t get in her way.

Here are some things that you need to keep in mind during:

Don’t hurt her. First, keep her comfy. If she’s kneeling, be thoughtful enough to put a pillow there. Don’t ever manhandle her head. A blowjob can be painful to her neck as it is without you tugging at it or at her hair. And finally, respect her feelings. Don’t just throw comments like “faster”, “slower”, or “watch your teeth”. Ladies are pretty vulnerable while they’re doing this for you so words like this can sound a bit cocky and critical.

And finally…

Don’t bail. Be respectful. Don’t just get the load off in her mouth or on her face. Tell her when you’re about to climax and ask her what she wants you to do. Finally, don’t just zip it up and get on with your day. Make sure to tell her that it’s her turn next, and do just that.