6 Nov 2010

Kill yourself now! Ask me how!

Fat People poster

My miraculous weight loss diet without moving for fat chicks

I feel sorry for fat chicks. Not like it’s their fault or something, they said yesterday in the newspaper that obesity is the century’s disease. Who am I to contradict the scientists? If it weren’t a disease maybe I would not have had the pleasure to see hanging hams beneath every molded shirt every time when I go out on a walk. It even seems that fat chicks have their uniform, composed of pink t-shirts with two numbers smaller and a tent molded on their ass. It’s like they want to be sure that you’ve seen them, not that it is any chance to miss Godzilla in a herd of monkeys.

Ok, we have to admit that there is a certain amount of women that no matter how little they would eat, they will still have enough fatness to make plenty soap for the entire Africa, but what about those who can get skinnier but they are too lazy to move their butts from the couch? What about all the fat chicks whose asses are growing year by year, especially after they are married, and they are terrorizing their husbands everyday: “Honey, isn’t that I am still sexy?” Yeah, baby, of course you are sexy… For a starved cannibal.

Only an idiot can think that eating kilograms of sweets while you are watching television all day, without doing any other effort, can be the cause for fatness. Actually, they have hormonal problems, they are too old, too tired, too busy, too depressed and of course, they have a husband or a boyfriend that is too insensitive to their problems and is obliging them to gobble, because they don’t receive enough affection. In reality, fat chicks want to get skinner but they can’t find the right solution. We already established that they can’t do exercises because their man is an insensitive asshole that is more preoccupied by his job than the size of their buttocks and how this is making them sad.

For these misunderstood fat chicks, I’ve discovered a brand new solution, which will reduce the size of their paunch instantly, without any effort. The secret of my diet is the water. If you are a fat chick, take a weight scale with you, go near the deepest lake in the vicinity of your house (we don’t want you to walk too much, you can get tired) and go like this underwater. This is pure physics. Climb up on the weight scale and you will see that you have lost more than ten kilograms.

The fatter you are on the surface, the less you’re under water! Fatness is lighter than water and you may even have negative weight. In this case, you should tie a rock from your neck, so that you will stay at the lake’s bottom as much as possible. The bad part here is that, after some time, you will need to breath. Do not try it! We recommend you to keep your breath several thousand years until you will evolve and you will get a pair of gills.