22 Dec 2014

How to Break Up with Her Without Breaking Her

Painful doesn’t even begin to describe break ups, especially if you’ve been with someone for a long while. Now that you’ve done the Math, accepted the signs and embraced the truth, it’s time: You’ve decided to end the relationship.

It’s impossible not to hurt her once she hears it but there are more ways than one to let her down gently. After all, what you’re about to do is a double-edged sword so here’s how to break up with her without breaking her.

Don’t walk in unprepared

We don’t mean memorizing what you need to say to her. All we ask is for you to know what to say because the last thing you want is saying something you don’t mean — or forgetting something you meant to say.

Collect your thoughts, choose your words carefully and be level-headed throughout. There’s no easy way to blurt out already hurtful words so the least you can do is be careful and come prepared.

Have better timing

Do not, by all means, tell her you want to break up with her if you know she’s about to go to one of the most important meetings of her life or she’s going through her finals in med school.

Remember, it’s not only about you. There are other things she needs to attend to and if you decided to have the talk with her in the middle of something very precious to her, then you might ruin something more than your relationship.

Tell, don’t show

You know how certain people show their better halves that they’re unhappy? How they’d rather go out and get stupid drunk rather than talk to their partners? You’re better than that and she deserves better than that.

Go ahead and tell her. Stop showing her your disappointment, dissatisfaction or whatnot. Save her the pain and tell her what you want to happen. It’s either she feels the same way or she doesn’t, which leads us to our next point..

Be honest

There’s a difference between being honest and being brutally honest. In this case, you want to show her an amount of tenderness. Remember, you’re talking to your partner here, not complaining about a whack service over the phone.

Be honest. Gently tell her how you feel and when she asks something, give her a straight answer instead of beating around the bush. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and an even more unnecessary heartache.

Never blame

This is not the right time to play “It’s not me, it’s you”. In fact, blaming should be considered a cardinal sin when breaking up.

It took two of you to build a relationship and it also took two of you to have come to this point in your lives. Besides, you care about each other. Blaming is just an immature person’s way out.

Respect distance

Afterwards, when she asks you to leave her sight, go ahead. When you need to move out, move out. If you need to not see her Facebook or Instagram profile for a while, go ahead and mute her. Try your best effort not to call or send her a text message about how you miss her.

This isn’t being mean or close-minded. This is allowing you to respect each other’s own time and distance. You need to heal, not be constantly reminded of what you once had.

It is impossible not to hurt her feelings when you decided to end things with her but it is possible to do it in a less hurtful and more mature manner. Try it. She might just prefer to remember you more fondly.