20 Mar 2017

What You And The Bachelors In “The Bachelor” Should Have In Common

The bachelors in the reality television show really have it good. It’s every guy’s dream. Hotties competing, fighting over you, and all of that just to get a single rose from you. And then, at the very end, you’d get to woohoo with some of them – those hottest few whom you’ve already chosen among the many. The last women standing. And all the while, they’re lashing out at each other hyenas, hungry for meat. Hungry for YOUR meat.

The Bachelors

So what does all bachelors in The Bachelor have in common, anyway?

Worry not my friend, we’ve got you covered. Whether you want to be selected to be the next bachelor, or, you know, you just want to be a bit like them in hopes of having ladies fighting over you in real life, here are the points that most of the bachelors in the show have in common.

You should definitely have a job.

There has never been a bum in the show. It doesn’t matter what type of occupation you have – the show has featured the entire spectrum of careers from the serious professions like doctor and pilot, to corporate positions like salesperson and executive, up to the creative and entrepreneurial like farmer and winemaker.

You must have some sort of connection with sports.

Most of the bachelors who have been featured in the show have been some sort of sport nut, one way or the other. So, if you don’t have any connection or any inclination with sports, then now is the perfect time to start.

You need to be close to your family.

All the guys who have been bachelors in the show have really tight family relations. Makes sense. A guy who’s family-centered is certainly a turn-on for any woman wanting to become a wife – but not too much. Nobody wants to be competing over a mama’s boy’s love, after all.

Finally, you have to be a white guy with a stereotypical white-guy name.

I’m sorry, but it seems that diversity isn’t in the near future of the show just yet. I think that it’s just that the targeted demographic of the show are white women, and that the producers have just found a formula that works and they don’t want to mess with it. So, if you really want to get specifically right on point with the show, then you most certainly have to be a white guy with a stereotypical white guy name like Andrew, Ben, Brad…

What happens if I’m a black guy with a very black guy name?

Even black bros deserve their chance at love in this world. And if there’s nothing you can do with a show then f@#% them. The world is your arena – and the best part is? You don’t even need to live somewhere else and no effin’ rose.