29 Jun 2011

30 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do

A real guy needs to know how to do real stuff and, after weeks of debating in our office, we’ve managed to come up with a list of 30 essential skills that probably every man needs to know. We’re not saying you need to be an expert in any of these, but you should at least practice them because practice makes perfect, right?

So, there you go… the 30 things every man needs to know how to do:

Open a bottle without a bottle opener

If you can’t open a bottle without a bottle opener, you’re probably a girl, or at least that’s what your friends will think about you soon after they’ll notice that you’re almost crying in front of your beer bottle. It’s pretty damn easy to do it: just use whatever you find around you, a plastic lighter, coins, silverware, your keys, anything with a hard edge. It’s not hard to figure out how to do it and with practice you could master this easily.

Handle easy car problems such as jump starting your car or changing a flat tire.

You don’t need to be a mechanic to solve any of these, you just need to do it once and then you’ll know how to do it for the rest of your life. If you have a crappy battery you should learn how to use those jumper cables because sooner or later you’re going to need them. There’s nothing more unmanly than having to call AAA or one of your buddies to teach you how to use them or to help you change your flat tire as well.

Build a fire

I think I could say we’ve all seen at least a couple of episodes of Man vs Wild. If you haven’t seen one yet, you should quit reading this right now and look it up because Bear Grylls is pretty damn great. Drinks his own pee, starts fire from almost anything. Building a fire without a lighter, gas or matches wasn’t a problem many, many years ago but if this problem arises, you have to be prepared and learn how to do it.

Know at least a couple of awesome jokes

If you can make her laugh, you can make her do anything. That’s what I’ve heard years ago and it seems it’s true. A guy with no sense of humor is considered by everyone dull or boring and in case you’re one of those guys, you’ll need to change that as soon as possible. Here’s a cool joke: “A man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks ‘what’s your name ?’ ‘Carmen’ she replies, ‘… I like cars and men ! What’s yours ?’ The man looks her up and down and says ‘Beerpussy“

Approach a woman out of your league

We all see beautiful women everywhere we go, around the city, at the supermarket, at the mall.. everywhere. They’re usually chatting with friends, enjoying life like they have no care in the world and you’re standing there, gawking at them, having the urge to go up and talk to them but not doing anything because you think they’re out of your league. In case they’re not billionaires, married, or supermodels, you don’t need to worry. Just go there and say something, show them you have balls (don’t take ‘em out lol), be cocky and funny and try not to ignore their looks. Maybe you’ll get a number, and a future date.

Perform basic first aid

We can get injured basically anywhere, playing sports, trying to fix something, putting ourselves at risk to save others and so on and we often end up with small wounds, burns, even broken bones that need immediate attention and care. When that happens… knowing to treat these various wounds is essential for you or for your friends. Don’t cry like a baby when you’ve just hurt yourself because mommy is not there to help so.. learn first aid.

Dance like a normal guy

You don’t have to be an expert in dancing and perform a breathtaking Viennese Waltz with a girl at a party. You just need to go on the dance floor and perform like a normal guy, without doing anything silly or going for stupid dance moves you’ve learned decades ago. Just go with the flow, watch others maybe and keep it simple.

Choose a first date location

First dates are pretty stressful (if you care about the result of course) and, even though choosing a first date location is not really a skill, it’s something that every man should be an expert in. If the location is right and you don’t do anything stupid… you’ll easily win her over especially if you take her to a romantic place. Just make sure your current girlfriend isn’t going to be there at the same time lol.

Tell a woman’s dress size and spot fake breasts

I’m sure we’ve all gawked at many, many women until now, especially if you’re a loyal reader of this site and sooner or later you’ll be able to appreciate almost the exact measurements, dress size, bra size and so on of a woman. You’ll even start spotting fake breasts. If they don’t bounce or jiggle, they’re probably fake but if you get to grab and feel them you’ll probably know what you’re dealing with.

Talk your way to a lower price

You may be surprised to learn that only a few prices in the marketplace are fixed and finely honed negotiation skills can always help you get a better deal, from a small discount, to free stuff and bonuses. If you know how to “sweet” talk successful negotiation can knock down the price of clothes, gadgets and even bills. Too bad you can’t negotiate the price for gas.

Know your local professional sports teams

I can’t believe there are still guys out there who don’t  follow sports, don’t know anything about the local professional sports teams or don’t even have a favorite team in the whole country. Whenever there’s an important game coming up, speaking with guys like these seems like talking to retarded kids and it’s really uncool. You should at least know all the sports teams in your city.

Learn to cook something, from a simple meal to a romantic dinner

You can’t go to a restaurant or fast food all day long and you probably won’t have someone around you all the time just to cook for you. So you’ll need to prepare something for yourself or maybe you’ll want to prepare a romantic dinner for a girl as well. There are thousands of sites and books with simple cooking recipes and probably the same amount of youtube videos explaining how to do it so it won’t be a problem learning how to prepare a couple of easy meals. And you’re going to impress yourself after you’re done.

Buy a suit that fits you really well

Suits are cool and even though you don’t have a job that entails dressing in one, you will still have to do it a couple of times a year for certain events and you’ll have to buy one. Squeeze the fabric to see if it’s ok, check the buttons, make sure it’s not wrinkly and always get fitted. Look into the mirror and imagine Barney Stinson lookin’ awesome in his suit. If you look almost as awesome as he does, then you’re all done.

Know how to Tie a tie

After you’re all set with your suit, you should know how to tie a tie. This is one of the most common problems for most guys out there but you can learn it from basically anywhere, from your folks, friends, from the web, from apps for your phone and after you’ll manage to do a perfect tie knot, you’ll never forget how to do it again.

Throw a punch like a man, not like a girl

Inevitably, at least once in your life, you’ll find yourself in a situation where you need to throw a punch. Not necessarily in a fight, maybe you just wanna teach your kid to defend himself, or who knows?  You can’t throw a punch like a girl or bitch slap someone because they’ll end up laughing and wooping your ass in the same time. Forget the roundhouse, you don’t have a haymaker, just swing your shoulders and throw a straight punch with the right length and you’ll solve the situation pretty quickly.

Ask for help and directions

Even though you think you know where you’re going and you don’t want to ask for directions, you’ll end up in a situation where you will need to stop and get help. Don’t be stubborn  or pig headed because sometimes the directions you were given might be plain wrong and you’ll end up in a completely different place. Just pull over and ask anyone going by, ask at nearby store or gas station and you’ll get the right directions.

Be a Great Wingman

You have certain responsibilities to your friends and if you really want to help them, the most important thing they might need is to help them get laid. You might need to jump on a grenade, the ugly friend of the girl he wants to pick up, while he’s doing his game, or maybe you just need to start the conversation and show the girl that his friends are pretty damn great.

Make a Special Drink or Cocktail

A wise man once said, “I drink, therefore I am!” and I think that comment explains the best why we love drinks. But instead of buying a six pack or beer, a bottle of wine or tequila, you could impress your girl or maybe friends by preparing a special cocktail for them. Mint Julep, Sazerac, Manhattan and so on are just a couple of classic cocktails you could prepare at home if you have the right ingredients. But there are plenty of sites from where you could find recipes for probably every cocktail in the world.

Iron your own shirt

You can’t always have someone around to do this for you and going out with a wrinkled shirt is not an option in case you don’t want to look like you’ve just come out of your washing mashine. Just take the ironing board, the iron, of course, and start moving and grooving without keeping it too much in the same spot. In time I’m sure you’ll master this but if there’s a girl around, don’t tell her you know how to do it as well.

Tell if someone is lying to you

Lying has been around as long as the truth… from little white lies to omissions and stupid stories that only a naive kid would fall for. We’re used to hear the truth but every now and then you get the sneaking suspicion that the person across isn’t telling the truth. If you know how they talk normally and you look for certain signs such as no eye contact, stress gestures, rise in vocal pitch and so on you might easily spot a liar and ask the right questions.

Do at least a couple of push-ups on command

In my group of friends we’ve actually started a thing a while back for guys who run late. For every minute they’re late, they have to do a push up. It’s pretty fun to watch, it makes all of us arrive on time and it’s also good for your body. I think every man should be able to do at least ten or twenty push-ups on command and if you can’t do even these, you should move your fat ass to the gym as soon as possible.

Speak a foreign language (or more)

Apart from the fact that this makes you a lot more interesting to a lot of people, it might be really useful whenever you’re ready for that crazy trip you were planning to Europe. Italian is cool, French sounds lovely, Spanish is good in case you want to impress a Latina and.. probably any other foreign language has its advantages.

Give a Good Massage

Even though I’m sure you love receiving massages a lot more than you like giving one, your girl deserves a full half an hour of pleasure, a great body massage that will make her like you even more. It might lead to other things, but I’m sure you’ll both enjoy it.

Try to Look Good in Pictures

We’re not male models and we all know that we look kinda silly in most candids. But there are a couple of photos where we look pretty damn great and that’s exactly how you’d like to look in all other photos. So.. take some time and study the photos where you look your best, notice your position and you’ll know the angles that work for you.

Drive in crappy conditions

You can’t drive only when it’s sunny and warm outside and you’ll end up pretty often on the road driving in crappy conditions such as heavy rain or snow on icy or muddy roads and you have to be able to handle your car on any road and in any conditions. Adjust your driving, be really careful and don’t try to be a hero or do anything stupid. In case you’re just about to go out with your car when the weather is shitty, check your tires, windshield wipers, brakes and you’re ready to go.

Sew a button

Because you shouldn’t have to ask your girl/wife or your tailor for anything simple enough to do yourself in just a couple of steps. Buttons will snap off and you could solve this issue fast with a simple thread and a needle.

Know at least one musical group as much as you can

We all love music, we all have our favorite genre and artists and even though we usually have different tastes you should know a couple of things about your favorites in case anyone asks for more. You don’t have to be a know-it-all and argue with someone who doesn’t like your music, but you should know something about your favorite musical group.

Undo her bra with just one hand

This is much easier than most people think. All bras function on the same basic mechanism so if you learn to undo one, you shouldn’t have any problems with the others. You just need to practice a lot because whenever you get to the point when you need to undo her bra, you should be good at it. If you can’t unhook it fast with your clumsy hands, it might ruin the mood.

Buy a Proper Gift for Anyone

We all love birthdays, especially ours, of course, but whenever your friends or someone from your family celebrates their birthday, it’s time to look up for a proper gift and.. we usually have trouble figuring out what the right gift is for someone. Just google fun gift ideas, search for things they love, need or really want and you’ll turn yourself into a gift guru.

Learn to Surf the web anonymously

Your Internet history tells a lot about you, especially when you meet someone who knows where and what to look for. Anyone can find out how often you visit weird porn sites or whatever you do on the web all day long but… there’s an easy solution for that and that is clearing your history, cookies and cache or maybe even browsing sites through proxies.