Ancient means of courtship might not get the best feedback ever in our current society and letting your inner self burst out, like Ace Ventura, is most likely a bad idea on the first date. The difference between humans and animals is that the former usually needs more than a cool display of feathers and a crazy dance to get the other one’s attention.

Words and gestures, stories and meanings, are bricks laid to build a connection. Going from one age to another, approaches vary, but, at its core, common sense remained pretty much the same. One might not know precisely what to do or say in a certain circumstance, but can quite easily guess what classifies as a definite “no-no”.

Here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say on a first date and what might cross your partner’s mind once you’ve said them:

1. What’s your name again? – “Seriously? You’ve spent the past three hours talking to yourself? Jesus man, were you paying attention to my breasts or something?”

2. Who’s that calling? - “Why is it any of your damn business? I know I won’t be calling you any time soon”

3. You remind me of my ex. – “Oh, really? And you remind me of a jerk”

4. I like to crossdress every once in a while. – “Whoah! And that concludes our little visit for today…”

5. How much do you like kids? – “Cooked, medium or fried? ‘Cause I’m not planning on having any for the foreseeable future”

6. Your outfit could use a little more something. – “Why? What’s wrong with it miss Versace?”

7. My father died today, five years ago. – “Great! I didn’t know he’s dining with us. How about I leave you two alone so that you catch up on things?”

8. I had a colonoscopy. Have you ever had one? - “No, thanks, I’m full!”

9. Could I get pregnant if I swallow? – “I don’t think that getting pregnant should be something that worries you right now”

10. Wow, you’re not as I imagined you to be. – “Really? Gee, thanks, I’ll do the imagining part by myself from now on”

11. Can I take a picture of you? – “For what purpose? Are you a pervert or something? Do I look like a monkey?”

12. Are you gonna eat that? – “What? Are you calling me fat or do you want to finish what’s left of my main course?”

13. My mom and dad can’t wait to meet you! – ” Oh, but I CAN wait, like… forever”

14. Do you have Herpes? – “Why? Wanna share yours?”

15. I’ve been molested – “What brought this up? Do I look look like a therapist or something? … As a curiosity, how many times did you say it happened?”

16. I have 17 cats – “And no furry coat? I don’t know why I suddenly find myself to be a dog-loving person”

17. Do you shave your armpits? – “I’m sorry, what? Do I look Amish to you, buddy?”

18. Why are you single? – “Because you’re double the amount of crap I need for today!”

19. I hope no one sees us here - “Better yet, I hope no one sees ME here, next to you!”

20. Humans weren’t meant for monogamy – “They weren’t meant for flying either, but they handle it quite well.”