17 Jan 2011

20 signs you need to get laid. Like. Now.

Here are 20 signs that may give you a warning that you’re already forgetting one very important aspect of your life and you really need to get laid. As soon as possible.

1. When you start fapping to Japanese cartoons. Or… any other cartoons as well. Or anything else that doesn’t include real tits or real women. If you know all the latest Hentai releases you might want to do something about it.

2. When you surprise yourself singing Justin Bieber’s songs. That’s not only a sign that you need to get laid pretty damn fast, it’s also a sign you might not be straight lol.

3. If you get very pissed and irritated by the thought that your geeky friend just recently had a date and you’ve been alone for months.

4. When you can read l33t. If you know what l33t means. I mean “1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 141d”. If you even think l33t is cool you might have a serious problem.

5. If you’ve read this article until here, and you still want to read more.

6. If you’re searching on Google for ways to get laid and you end up in a vicious circle, reading articles that are telling you that you need to get laid.

7. If you think Twilight is the best movie you’ve ever seen. Ok, I understand Ashley Greene is in it and she’s damn hot in real life but what the heck? that movie is shittier than the last episode of Seinfeld.

8. If you find yourself being nice to your kid sister just for her to hook you up with one of her friends.

9. If you wear a Smurf costume to a Halloween party and you think you are cool.

10. When you choose to stay home and watch some cheap movies with your average looking girlfriend, while your friends are out, drinking and having fun. When you think that “bros before hos” is just a rhyme, without any deep meaning.

11. When you can’t keep a straight face and feel very uncomfortable whenever you hear the song “I touch myself” by the Divynyls.

12. When you have fantasies with your 52 years old neighbor. No, I’m kidding. If this happens you really need to consult a psychiatrist.

13.  If you think that MMORPGs are the best things invented since sliced bread. If you’ve recently played a MMORPG for an entire night, that’s a sign you’re not focusing on the right things.

14. If you tell a girl “I like you for who you are”. No shit, this is one of the cheapest lines in any man’s playbook and that’s a sign he could say anything just to get laid.

15. If you have a yellow fever but you don’t live in an Asian country.

16. If you make a conscious effort to hook up with your ex by pretending you now have a pathetic life.

17. If you know who Aayla Secura is. Star Wars fans will be like whoa, but why?

18. When you play “footsie” with your own foot. This a clear sign that you haven’t been around women for a while.

19. When you suddenly understand what blue balls or gray lips meant and your doctor is giving you hints that you will soon get a Deadly Semen Build-up syndrome if you don’t do something.

20. If someone recently named you: phuctart you’re clearly acting like one.

In the end… after you’re finally gonna do it, you are free to start singing the new Lonely Island single featuring Akon.