I’m not going to sit here and wax lyrically about what girl deserves to be at what number while trying (not-so-hard) to make you laugh when all you want to do is get to white moustaches and buxom udders, which is fine by me. Enjoy, and take my word for it, these are the top 11 hottest Got Milk Hoes in all of land.

[Written by Jonathan Burda from survivingu.com]

The formula I used to calculate each girl’s place is too long and cumbersome for most of your simple minds. Just know this. This is the absolute list. What I say goes. There are no mistakes. If your favourite spank skank didn’t make the list doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. It means you should upgrade to my skanks. By skanks I mean lovely, beautiful, talented, celebrities, with nice breasteses and fit asses.

11. Beyonce

If I’d never heard her sing or seen Austin Powers 3 she would have been in the top 5.

10. Lindsay Lohan

All that coke and alcohol seems to be working lately. She hasn’t looked this good in years.

9. Rihanna

It’s because of her daily glass of milk that she was able to take Chris Brown’s beating on the chin like a real woman.

8. Taylor Swift

She may sing about boys and broken hearts but she’ll never have to sing about a lack of calcium or vitamin D in her diet.

7. Mandy Moore

Face of an Angel. Body of a man.

6.  Sofia Vergara

Unlike Mandy Moore, Sofia has the face AND body of an angel. And the voice of a Mexican (illegal) immigrant.

5. Angelina Jolie

She would have been number one if we’d done this list 5 years ago. Now she’s aging terribly. In 5 more years she’s going to be just a skeleton with big voluptuous lips. Better get your jerks in before then.

4.  Britney Spears

She’s the hottest thing in the world. She’s bald. She kinda hot. She fat. She’s hot again.  It’s hard to tell what’s going on with her but for the time being she’s looking as good as she has in a long time. In her prime she had the greatest white girl ass in the world. And that’s something we should never forget.

3.  Elizabeth Hurley

Aging like fine wine.

2. Carrie Underwood

Why ranked so high? I told you guys I don’t have to explain myself! But watch any of her music videos and find out for yourself.

1. Christine Brinkley

Since the major theme of the list was milk and the nutritional benefits it produces there is no better ambassador for the campaign than Christine Brinkley. The woman’s been stunning for the last four decades and she doesn’t look to be slowing down. She’s been hot. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy. All that good stuff rolled into one for the last 40 years. Let that sink in for a moment. 40 fucking years! Most of the models on this list were lucky to get a few good years before they went totally downhill. Not Christine. You should feel no guilt or shame jacking it to a grandmother this hot.

Remember kids, milk is an excellent source of vitamins and minerals, particularly calcium. It has long been recognised for its important role in bone health. Nutritionists recommend that milk and other dairy products should be consumed daily as part of a balanced diet.

Visit survivingu.com for the latest university debauchery and follow Jonathan on Twitter @JonathanBurda