4 Sep 2012

10 movies you will hate to watch with your girlfriend

So it’s Saturday evening and your girlfriend came up with a brilliant idea on how the two of you should spend the rest of the evening together. She doesn’t actually use the term “cuddle together” like you would have expected, but instead she mentions a movie that was recommended by one of her friends.

At this point, the normal male brain doesn’t know that it’s walking right into a trap. Most of us just think about quality time spent with our loved one while watching a kick-ass movie. Unfortunately cuddling is not really what she had in mind when she asked you over and if any of these movies make the case, chances are that you’re looking at a nerve-wrecking, brain-reducing, 100 to 160 minute-clitche marathon.

To help you avoid this terrible, terrible thing, we’ve created a list of 10 movies that should ring a bell whenever they are mentioned by your girlfriend. We won’t include plain retarded movies like “The Barbaric Beast Of Boggy Creek, Part II” in hopes that your girlfriend is not into any of that stuff, but we will include movies that could make a grown man cry.

10. Glitter

This movie depicts Mariah Carey’s long road to Hollywood. If your girlfriend is a huge Mariah Carey fan, chances are you’re gonna watch this movie together someday and God help you, you should pray for that day to be your last.

9. I don’t know how she does it

Frankly, after the movie is over you will probably think the same thing about your girlfriend. “I don’t know how she could have picked this limp comedy with this hopelessly outdated viewpoint on gender and this weird Carrie-Sarah Jessica Parker thing”

8. The cold light of day

Hopefully, this will be the worst movie you will ever see Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver play in. Everything is so predictable, the main character is so dumb you want to slap the television set and, once again, everyone in Europe is going to kill you. Basically the cars destroyed in the movie make-up all of its budget.

7. Patch Adams

The movie itself isn’t that bad if you’re in the mood for crying your manhood away. The story is about an unconventional physician who heals patients with laughter by mixing equal doses of scatological humor and pathos. In the end, things turn out for the worse for everybody and the “ever lasting love” myth gets blown to Hollywood proportions.

6. City of angels

Nicholas Cage plays the angel who hovers over the city of Los Angeles, listening to people’s thoughts, observing their lives, and guiding them to the next world when they die. Like all fantasy creatures, he is invisible to most mortals but somehow he falls in love with a surgeon ( who gives him “the look”) played by Meg Ryan. Everything is peachee until he turns human and finds out what death means. Everlasting love, here we come again…

5. The Notebook

Although the movie is based on Nicholas Sparks’ bestselling novel, it will drive you mad with its vision over love and soulmates. The movie is great but it will certainly make your girlfriend want more out of your relationship and if that’s not on your menu… well, better be prepared.

4. 500 Days of Summer

You will probably hate Zooey Deschanel after the movie ends. You will probably remember why you hate your ex-girlfriend too and, by the way, that’s going to be noticeable. Tom (Gordon-Levitt) is the nice boy who believes deeply in the concept of soul mates, and Summer (Zooey Deschanel) is the one who sees true love as the stuff of fairy tales. Unfortunately for Tom, everything goes to waste and he spends the rest of the movie trying to convince her about his feelings.

3. The five-year engagement

This is the kind of movie that will piss you off really really bad. Beside the usual romantic comedy humor, the movie silently tells us the same Hollywood fairytale story that love is forever and it’s alright if your girlfriend decides to… explore her options. If you have no other option, lure your girlfriend away from this movie with a fresh copy of Sex and the city!

2. Sex and the City 1 and 2

Do you remember those 4 grown women who used to play in a cable series dubbed “Sex and the city”? Gosh, I’m sure you do.. Well they’re back with two awful movies and if you’ve never heard of Carrie Bradshaw, the style-maven journalist whose romantic exploits were the key focus of the show, you’d better run and hide in the bathroom for a few hours.

1. The Twilight Saga

What would you do if you were a 130 year-old vampire? Well, according to this movie, you would probably date a 16 year old highschool girl, eat animals, sparkle in the daylight … anything else than saving (or taking over) the world with your knowledge and powers. The movie won’t turn your brain to mush but it certainly won’t teach you anything interesting either.

This concludes our top 10 movies you should watch out for and until the next time your girlfriend makes a movie request, be sure to check out a good review on the web before walking head-first into a trap.